Archive
First Plymouth dying matters event success
Friday 27th March & Saturday 28th March 2015
Pictured: The Lord Mayor and Lady Mayoress of Plymouth, with event organiser Wendy Coulton and George Lillie, SW representative of The Dying Matters Coalition
The elephant had left the room when a special event in Plymouth was held about dying matters to challenge the taboo of the topic.
Talks and a free advice hub were held at the two day event in Plymouth Central Library on Friday 27th and Saturday 28th March.
The Lord Mayor of Plymouth and Lady Mayoress attended the launch and a keynote talk by George Lillie, South West representative of The Dying Matters Coalition was well received.
The free event was organised by city celebrant Wendy Coulton in response to her experience of local people in conflict, distress or financial hardship because there were no discussions or planning before someone died about important final wishes and arrangements.
Wendy said: "We had no idea what response we would get because dying matters are not a topic people are comfortable with and tend to avoid but the elephant had well and truly left the room by the end of our event. There was respectful open discussion about a wide range of topics including organ donation, legal and money matters, hospicecare, green funerals and carer experience of death. It was fantastic to see the coming together of likeminded people - the talkers and advice hub participants and the visitors.
"Some people came in with a specific enquiry for us to answer or help with and others were curious and open minded enough to come in and find out more. We had several requests for us to hold similar opportunities again."
Ian Dibb Founder of Once I’ve Gone
“A huge thank you Wendy for hosting the first Elephant in the Room event in Plymouth. It was great to see so many people interested in talking about all the elements of end of life planning from will writing and care planning through to organ donation and green funerals.”
Dr Clive Acraman CEO Planning with People
“Wendy the event you organised was pitched right and it was a great opportunity for people to network in still new territory.”
Talks and a free advice hub were held at the two day event in Plymouth Central Library on Friday 27th and Saturday 28th March.
The Lord Mayor of Plymouth and Lady Mayoress attended the launch and a keynote talk by George Lillie, South West representative of The Dying Matters Coalition was well received.
The free event was organised by city celebrant Wendy Coulton in response to her experience of local people in conflict, distress or financial hardship because there were no discussions or planning before someone died about important final wishes and arrangements.
Wendy said: "We had no idea what response we would get because dying matters are not a topic people are comfortable with and tend to avoid but the elephant had well and truly left the room by the end of our event. There was respectful open discussion about a wide range of topics including organ donation, legal and money matters, hospicecare, green funerals and carer experience of death. It was fantastic to see the coming together of likeminded people - the talkers and advice hub participants and the visitors.
"Some people came in with a specific enquiry for us to answer or help with and others were curious and open minded enough to come in and find out more. We had several requests for us to hold similar opportunities again."
Ian Dibb Founder of Once I’ve Gone
“A huge thank you Wendy for hosting the first Elephant in the Room event in Plymouth. It was great to see so many people interested in talking about all the elements of end of life planning from will writing and care planning through to organ donation and green funerals.”
Dr Clive Acraman CEO Planning with People
“Wendy the event you organised was pitched right and it was a great opportunity for people to network in still new territory.”
Forget Oxo ad tributes – follow Lynda’s example
Lynda Bellingham’s refreshing openness and honesty about living and dying with cancer has touched many lives but the enduring legacy will be if people take responsibility for their end of life matters.
There have been calls for the Oxo advert to be broadcast this Christmas by way of a tribute to Lynda. Surely a better tribute to this remarkable woman would be to follow her example – discuss and prepare for the inevitable.
Despite pretty much everything else being talked about on social media and reality television, death is still a taboo topic. Lynda was inspirational in the way she spoke, laughed and cried about dying and her decisions regarding the end of her life.
I regularly see families in distress and turmoil because there was no discussion with the person who has died about their wishes and no practical arrangements made regarding funding the funeral related costs. In some instances siblings have fallen out over conflicting views about what their parent would have wanted on fundamental issues like whether it is to be burial or cremation.
And if people feel uncomfortable discussing end of life matters with their nearest and dearest – they can always write it down and let their family know where their instructions or wishes can be found when the time comes.
The organ donation and transplant service has been encouraging registered donors to tell their next of kin whilst they are alive about their wishes because ultimately families can withhold consent and stop donation proceeding.
Personally I think the last act of love I can give to my daughter is peace of mind knowing my wishes because we have talked about it, having a will in place and having finance allocated and easily accessible to pay for funeral costs.
Preparations are well underway for a two day event I am organising in Plymouth called ‘The Elephant in the Room’ in March 2015 with 12 talks and an advice hub all under one roof on a wide range of end of life matters.
There have been calls for the Oxo advert to be broadcast this Christmas by way of a tribute to Lynda. Surely a better tribute to this remarkable woman would be to follow her example – discuss and prepare for the inevitable.
Despite pretty much everything else being talked about on social media and reality television, death is still a taboo topic. Lynda was inspirational in the way she spoke, laughed and cried about dying and her decisions regarding the end of her life.
I regularly see families in distress and turmoil because there was no discussion with the person who has died about their wishes and no practical arrangements made regarding funding the funeral related costs. In some instances siblings have fallen out over conflicting views about what their parent would have wanted on fundamental issues like whether it is to be burial or cremation.
And if people feel uncomfortable discussing end of life matters with their nearest and dearest – they can always write it down and let their family know where their instructions or wishes can be found when the time comes.
The organ donation and transplant service has been encouraging registered donors to tell their next of kin whilst they are alive about their wishes because ultimately families can withhold consent and stop donation proceeding.
Personally I think the last act of love I can give to my daughter is peace of mind knowing my wishes because we have talked about it, having a will in place and having finance allocated and easily accessible to pay for funeral costs.
Preparations are well underway for a two day event I am organising in Plymouth called ‘The Elephant in the Room’ in March 2015 with 12 talks and an advice hub all under one roof on a wide range of end of life matters.
A Death Café event is to be held for the first time in Plymouth to encourage open discussion about death in a sociable setting.
The Death Café event will be held on Sunday 19th October 2014 at Devonport Guildhall in Ker Street from 2pm-5pm.
Event organiser Wendy Coulton said: “The purpose of a Death Café brings together people from all walks of life for a discussion about death. This is not a formal meeting or discussion with an agenda or set objectives.
Event organiser Wendy Coulton said: “The purpose of a Death Café brings together people from all walks of life for a discussion about death. This is not a formal meeting or discussion with an agenda or set objectives.
“Death even in this day and age can be regarded as a taboo subject and the Death Café concept is to normalise a topic which is relevant to every one of us. It’s not a grief or counselling session but a friendly respectful and confidential forum which enables people to freely discuss this subject. Cake and coffee sets the ambience so that people can feel relaxed and welcome.”
Plymouth-based Civil Funeral Celebrant Wendy, who plans and conducts non-religious funerals in the city, added: “I attended my first Death Café in Bristol and didn’t find it at all morbid or downbeat. Personally I found it interesting to hear other people’s perspective or views on death and dying matters.
“It may feel strange not having a set agenda or actions at the end of the discussion but that‘s what makes this approach inspiring. We have no idea which direction the conversation will take and each Death Café experience is unique.
“Keeping anxieties or questions to yourself is not always good for your health and wellbeing. And often an issue aired or shared can allay fears or concerns. But each person will respond to this experience in their own individual way and I don’t want to pre-empt what that will be for them – they should come along and see for themselves.”
The event is free for anyone to attend but there will be a charge for the cake and drinks. It is advisable not to bring children aged under 16 years old so that people don’t feel inhibited or uncomfortable speaking about death in the company of young people.
Devonport Guildhall, which is a venue for non-religious funerals and memorial services, has served the community since 1822 as a town hall, magistrates’ court, police station, library and mortuary. The Grade I listed building is now a thriving community hub which hosts exhibitions, community group activities, weddings and conferences.
Death Cafes are becoming more popular in the UK and the event model is based on the ideas of Bernard Crettaz who pioneered the ‘Café Mortels’ in Switzerland. More information about Death Cafes is available at www.deathcafe.com
For more information on Devonport Guildhall including directions please visit www.devonportguildhall.org
Plymouth-based Civil Funeral Celebrant Wendy, who plans and conducts non-religious funerals in the city, added: “I attended my first Death Café in Bristol and didn’t find it at all morbid or downbeat. Personally I found it interesting to hear other people’s perspective or views on death and dying matters.
“It may feel strange not having a set agenda or actions at the end of the discussion but that‘s what makes this approach inspiring. We have no idea which direction the conversation will take and each Death Café experience is unique.
“Keeping anxieties or questions to yourself is not always good for your health and wellbeing. And often an issue aired or shared can allay fears or concerns. But each person will respond to this experience in their own individual way and I don’t want to pre-empt what that will be for them – they should come along and see for themselves.”
The event is free for anyone to attend but there will be a charge for the cake and drinks. It is advisable not to bring children aged under 16 years old so that people don’t feel inhibited or uncomfortable speaking about death in the company of young people.
Devonport Guildhall, which is a venue for non-religious funerals and memorial services, has served the community since 1822 as a town hall, magistrates’ court, police station, library and mortuary. The Grade I listed building is now a thriving community hub which hosts exhibitions, community group activities, weddings and conferences.
Death Cafes are becoming more popular in the UK and the event model is based on the ideas of Bernard Crettaz who pioneered the ‘Café Mortels’ in Switzerland. More information about Death Cafes is available at www.deathcafe.com
For more information on Devonport Guildhall including directions please visit www.devonportguildhall.org
Plymouth funeral director David Parslow has been shortlisted
for a national award.
Mr Parslow of independent funeral directors Walter C Parson is one of 10 finalists in the running for the Funeral Director of the Year accolade in the Good Funeral Awards 2014.
Award judges had the challenging task of shortlisting from hundreds of nominations for 14 categories including recognition for the best cemetery, florist, crematorium attendant, celebrant, alternative hearse, gravedigger, coffin supplier and best bereavement resource.
Mr Parslow, who is principally based at the WCP St Judes office, has served the bereaved in Plymouth for 30 years. He was nominated by Civil Funeral Celebrant Wendy Coulton for his outstanding commitment to improving choice and experience of the bereaved.
Wendy said: “David is typical of the funeral directing profession in that he is modest and doesn’t seek plaudits for his work but his service in Plymouth is extraordinary and deserves recognition.
“Despite being in the profession for many years David is always seeking to improve the experience and service to the bereaved. He is also very generous with his time and knowledge, for example as an advisor to Ford Park Cemetery Trust and as a lead tutor for the British Institute of Funeral Directors Education and Training programme.
“Personally I cannot thank David enough as my professional mentor in my role as a funeral celebrant and for his support in the development of new venues for non-religious funeral services in Plymouth to improve choice for the bereaved.”
Award winners will be announced at a gala Good Funeral Awards dinner on 7th September 2014 in Bournville, Birmingham.
Award judges had the challenging task of shortlisting from hundreds of nominations for 14 categories including recognition for the best cemetery, florist, crematorium attendant, celebrant, alternative hearse, gravedigger, coffin supplier and best bereavement resource.
Mr Parslow, who is principally based at the WCP St Judes office, has served the bereaved in Plymouth for 30 years. He was nominated by Civil Funeral Celebrant Wendy Coulton for his outstanding commitment to improving choice and experience of the bereaved.
Wendy said: “David is typical of the funeral directing profession in that he is modest and doesn’t seek plaudits for his work but his service in Plymouth is extraordinary and deserves recognition.
“Despite being in the profession for many years David is always seeking to improve the experience and service to the bereaved. He is also very generous with his time and knowledge, for example as an advisor to Ford Park Cemetery Trust and as a lead tutor for the British Institute of Funeral Directors Education and Training programme.
“Personally I cannot thank David enough as my professional mentor in my role as a funeral celebrant and for his support in the development of new venues for non-religious funeral services in Plymouth to improve choice for the bereaved.”
Award winners will be announced at a gala Good Funeral Awards dinner on 7th September 2014 in Bournville, Birmingham.
A new choice of funeral venue for bereaved of Plymouth
The historic Devonport Guildhall can now be the unique setting for non-religious funeral ceremonies in Plymouth.
The impressive Grade I listed building is now a thriving community hub and social enterprise. In the past the building served as a Town Hall, Magistrates Court, a police station, library and even a mortuary.
Today Devonport Guildhall, which hosts exhibitions, community group activities, events, weddings and conferences, announced that it is extending its offer to Plymouth people as a venue for non-religious funeral ceremonies.
Built in 1822 by renowned architect John Foulston, Devonport Guildhall features a stunning Greek-inspired columned façade, while its Main Hall has impressive high ceilings, stained glass windows and period features.
Devonport Guildhall’s Commercial Manager Claire Burgess said: “The beauty of the Main Hall is that it is a light, airy and versatile space so that we can create a personalised setting for any occasion or event.
“When visitors walk into the Main Hall they comment on how beautiful and impressive it is, but also how intimate and friendly it feels. We want to provide a venue which meets the needs of all generations in the city – from naming ceremonies and weddings to funerals and memorial events.
“We understand that more people in Plymouth are choosing a non-religious funeral and throughout its history Devonport Guildhall has adapted in the way it serves the community.”
The impressive Grade I listed building is now a thriving community hub and social enterprise. In the past the building served as a Town Hall, Magistrates Court, a police station, library and even a mortuary.
Today Devonport Guildhall, which hosts exhibitions, community group activities, events, weddings and conferences, announced that it is extending its offer to Plymouth people as a venue for non-religious funeral ceremonies.
Built in 1822 by renowned architect John Foulston, Devonport Guildhall features a stunning Greek-inspired columned façade, while its Main Hall has impressive high ceilings, stained glass windows and period features.
Devonport Guildhall’s Commercial Manager Claire Burgess said: “The beauty of the Main Hall is that it is a light, airy and versatile space so that we can create a personalised setting for any occasion or event.
“When visitors walk into the Main Hall they comment on how beautiful and impressive it is, but also how intimate and friendly it feels. We want to provide a venue which meets the needs of all generations in the city – from naming ceremonies and weddings to funerals and memorial events.
“We understand that more people in Plymouth are choosing a non-religious funeral and throughout its history Devonport Guildhall has adapted in the way it serves the community.”
Plymouth Civil Funeral Celebrant Wendy Coulton said: “For a city population the size of Plymouth, the bereaved are poorly served at the moment in terms of providing choice of venue for non-religious funerals. The majority are held at the local crematorium and on a lesser scale in the non-denominational chapel at Ford Park cemetery and occasionally at Plymouth Albion rugby ground.
“I approached Devonport Guildhall about hosting funerals because the building is special. The Main Hall is beautiful and welcoming but it is also versatile in the way the room can be used for funerals attended by 50 to 200 mourners. Traditional chapel settings have regimented pew seating and fixed lecterns. At Devonport Guildhall we can use the space and arrange the seating and layout as the bereaved wish. It will enable Plymouth families to pay their respects and give thanks for the life of the person who has died in their own way and in their own time.
“Devonport Guildhall should be commended for recognising that this is a wonderful way to serve the community and I hope other appropriate venues in Plymouth will be more open-minded about hosting funerals, wake receptions and memorial events. If the person who has died had a particular affection or connection with a place it may be more comforting for the bereaved to hold the funeral there when the time comes.
“We are very grateful to David Parslow of Walter C Parson funeral directors for supporting this initiative from the outset and providing valuable practical guidance to ensure the building is fit for this purpose. In time it would be fantastic if city funeral directors could offer their clients a range of venue options for non-religious funerals.”
“I approached Devonport Guildhall about hosting funerals because the building is special. The Main Hall is beautiful and welcoming but it is also versatile in the way the room can be used for funerals attended by 50 to 200 mourners. Traditional chapel settings have regimented pew seating and fixed lecterns. At Devonport Guildhall we can use the space and arrange the seating and layout as the bereaved wish. It will enable Plymouth families to pay their respects and give thanks for the life of the person who has died in their own way and in their own time.
“Devonport Guildhall should be commended for recognising that this is a wonderful way to serve the community and I hope other appropriate venues in Plymouth will be more open-minded about hosting funerals, wake receptions and memorial events. If the person who has died had a particular affection or connection with a place it may be more comforting for the bereaved to hold the funeral there when the time comes.
“We are very grateful to David Parslow of Walter C Parson funeral directors for supporting this initiative from the outset and providing valuable practical guidance to ensure the building is fit for this purpose. In time it would be fantastic if city funeral directors could offer their clients a range of venue options for non-religious funerals.”
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Anne Barber is the President of the Institute of Civil Funerals and Managing Director of Civil Ceremonies Ltd originally founded the concept of Civil Funerals and has developed national qualification training courses for funeral celebrants like Wendy. Anne says: “There has been a massive uptake in Civil Funerals since they were launched in 2002 and it is wonderful that forward-thinking celebrants like Wendy are finding new venues where they can be held. Buildings like Devonport Guildhall can give bereaved families a longer time, if needed, and much more flexibility in just how they want to say goodbye to the person who has died. We know that this is what families want and everyone concerned should be congratulated.”
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For more information on civil funerals at Devonport Guildhall please call 01752 395028, email guildhall@realideas.org or visit www.devonportguildhall.org
Only one in nine of the population has made their
funeral wishes known to loved ones
A new guide has been launched to encourage people to write down how they want their funeral or cremation to be carried out after it emerged that only one in nine (11%) had planned what will happen after they die.
My Funeral Wishes is being launched nationally by the Dying Matters coalition and the National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD) to encourage and enable people to plan their own funerals down to the finest details, to ensure that their wishes will be met.
It comes as research shows that people are becoming more comfortable about talking about their own death, yet do not seem to be actively planning what happens next.
A new survey by the National Association of Funeral Directors also showed that 42 per cent of funeral directors had not made their funeral wishes known, even though respondents said their colleagues would know what they wanted. 71 per cent said they were finding that people are becoming more comfortable in talking about their death and funeral.
My Funeral Wishes allows people to answer a range of questions about what they would like to see in their ceremony or be buried with them. The NAFD said that as more people became willing to talk about their funerals, it has led to a growing number of unusual requests for ceremonies, including Wild West themes and Morris dancing. Other unusual requests include a convoy of cranes leading the cortege, a farmer being asked to be buried at the highest point on his land, and a company director being buried at the end of his garden next to his beloved golf course. Unusual items to be included in the coffin for burial only include tea bags, yoghurt pots, a conker, a packet of cigarettes and even a bottle of fizz. And a surprisingly common request of the dying is for a family pet to be buried with them. No NAFD member has, however, ever carried this out.
The NAFD research is in line with the British Social Attitudes Survey 2012, which revealed older people are becoming more likely to make their end of life wishes known. If applied to the whole British population, the findings showed that an extra 200,000 people aged 55-75 reported feeling comfortable talking about death compared with 2009 and an extra 400,000 in the same age bracket had discussed their end of life wishes.
The national publication of My Funeral Wishes - which can be downloaded from www.dyingmatters.org or www.nafd.org.uk - comes after a successful pilot in Birmingham and Lewisham. It will also be widely promoted by Dying Matters and its members, including as part of Dying Matters Awareness Week (12-18 May 2014).
funeral wishes known to loved ones
A new guide has been launched to encourage people to write down how they want their funeral or cremation to be carried out after it emerged that only one in nine (11%) had planned what will happen after they die.
My Funeral Wishes is being launched nationally by the Dying Matters coalition and the National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD) to encourage and enable people to plan their own funerals down to the finest details, to ensure that their wishes will be met.
It comes as research shows that people are becoming more comfortable about talking about their own death, yet do not seem to be actively planning what happens next.
A new survey by the National Association of Funeral Directors also showed that 42 per cent of funeral directors had not made their funeral wishes known, even though respondents said their colleagues would know what they wanted. 71 per cent said they were finding that people are becoming more comfortable in talking about their death and funeral.
My Funeral Wishes allows people to answer a range of questions about what they would like to see in their ceremony or be buried with them. The NAFD said that as more people became willing to talk about their funerals, it has led to a growing number of unusual requests for ceremonies, including Wild West themes and Morris dancing. Other unusual requests include a convoy of cranes leading the cortege, a farmer being asked to be buried at the highest point on his land, and a company director being buried at the end of his garden next to his beloved golf course. Unusual items to be included in the coffin for burial only include tea bags, yoghurt pots, a conker, a packet of cigarettes and even a bottle of fizz. And a surprisingly common request of the dying is for a family pet to be buried with them. No NAFD member has, however, ever carried this out.
The NAFD research is in line with the British Social Attitudes Survey 2012, which revealed older people are becoming more likely to make their end of life wishes known. If applied to the whole British population, the findings showed that an extra 200,000 people aged 55-75 reported feeling comfortable talking about death compared with 2009 and an extra 400,000 in the same age bracket had discussed their end of life wishes.
The national publication of My Funeral Wishes - which can be downloaded from www.dyingmatters.org or www.nafd.org.uk - comes after a successful pilot in Birmingham and Lewisham. It will also be widely promoted by Dying Matters and its members, including as part of Dying Matters Awareness Week (12-18 May 2014).
Plymouth Crematoria facilities to be expanded
Distance will no longer deny the bereaved the opportunity to witness the funeral of a loved one at the city crematoria. Web casting will be one of the services introduced in coming months at Weston Mill and Efford by the city council.
Welcoming the improvements being made by the council, Celebrant Wendy Coulton said: 'Families are sometimes scattered to the four winds, living in different parts of the country and other parts of the world. There is also the pressure on people who cannot get short notice leave to travel and attend funerals from employers in these challenging economic times, so the web cast is an option which will enable relatives and friends to have secure online access to watch the funeral ceremony or service in the chapel. They will also have the option of pre-recording a message to broadcast at the funeral.'
When there is a high attendance at a funeral it is not unusual for mourners to be stood outside the chapel doors in all seasons unable to see what is happening in the chapel. Soon there will be a television link so people outside the chapel will be able to watch proceedings which makes the experience more inclusive.
The Wesley Media system will be operational in April at Weston Mill first - replacing in time the playing of music from CDs for funerals. As the clergy and celebrants request music choices made by the bereaved, a library of music will be developed for Plymouth.
Wendy added: 'It can sometimes be challenging and a source of pressure for the bereaved when they try to source a specific piece of music. The Wesley Media service has many different versions of the same piece of music and relishes searching for rare requests.
'At a time of budgetary pressure on local authorities Plymouth City Council should be commended for recognising these improvements were overdue and the new facilities will greatly enhance the funeral experience of the bereaved here and further afield.'
Distance will no longer deny the bereaved the opportunity to witness the funeral of a loved one at the city crematoria. Web casting will be one of the services introduced in coming months at Weston Mill and Efford by the city council.
Welcoming the improvements being made by the council, Celebrant Wendy Coulton said: 'Families are sometimes scattered to the four winds, living in different parts of the country and other parts of the world. There is also the pressure on people who cannot get short notice leave to travel and attend funerals from employers in these challenging economic times, so the web cast is an option which will enable relatives and friends to have secure online access to watch the funeral ceremony or service in the chapel. They will also have the option of pre-recording a message to broadcast at the funeral.'
When there is a high attendance at a funeral it is not unusual for mourners to be stood outside the chapel doors in all seasons unable to see what is happening in the chapel. Soon there will be a television link so people outside the chapel will be able to watch proceedings which makes the experience more inclusive.
The Wesley Media system will be operational in April at Weston Mill first - replacing in time the playing of music from CDs for funerals. As the clergy and celebrants request music choices made by the bereaved, a library of music will be developed for Plymouth.
Wendy added: 'It can sometimes be challenging and a source of pressure for the bereaved when they try to source a specific piece of music. The Wesley Media service has many different versions of the same piece of music and relishes searching for rare requests.
'At a time of budgetary pressure on local authorities Plymouth City Council should be commended for recognising these improvements were overdue and the new facilities will greatly enhance the funeral experience of the bereaved here and further afield.'
First Death Cafe experience
The informal friendly setting of a Bristol tea shop was the welcoming venue for a Death Cafe where there was open discussion about the D word and plenty of cake! The purpose of these free discussion forums is to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their finite lives.
Over 24 people attended this two hour gathering with some travelling from Wales, Devon and Staffordshire - making it the largest Death Cafe event in the city to date. The first took place in England in 2011 based on the work of Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz who offered 'Cafe Mortels' in Switzerland and France. A Death Cafe is not a counselling or grief therapy group. It provides an easily accessible, respectful and confidential space, free of discrimination or judgement to discuss death matters.
Civil celebrant Wendy Coulton said: 'There was absolutely no morbid doom and gloom about the discussions taking place. Through respectful informal chat we were able to explore a range of topics associated with death without an agenda or facilitation. Every one could take from the experience what they wanted and there was no obligation to say anything if you didn't want to. I would like to see Death Cafes being held in Plymouth in the near future.'
Sincere thanks to Leo Searle Hawkins of www.breakoutofyourgrief.com for making this happen. Looking forward to the next one in June.
The informal friendly setting of a Bristol tea shop was the welcoming venue for a Death Cafe where there was open discussion about the D word and plenty of cake! The purpose of these free discussion forums is to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their finite lives.
Over 24 people attended this two hour gathering with some travelling from Wales, Devon and Staffordshire - making it the largest Death Cafe event in the city to date. The first took place in England in 2011 based on the work of Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz who offered 'Cafe Mortels' in Switzerland and France. A Death Cafe is not a counselling or grief therapy group. It provides an easily accessible, respectful and confidential space, free of discrimination or judgement to discuss death matters.
Civil celebrant Wendy Coulton said: 'There was absolutely no morbid doom and gloom about the discussions taking place. Through respectful informal chat we were able to explore a range of topics associated with death without an agenda or facilitation. Every one could take from the experience what they wanted and there was no obligation to say anything if you didn't want to. I would like to see Death Cafes being held in Plymouth in the near future.'
Sincere thanks to Leo Searle Hawkins of www.breakoutofyourgrief.com for making this happen. Looking forward to the next one in June.
No mandate to deny bereaved choice - by Wendy Coulton
I was grateful for the opportunity to present evidence to the Plymouth City Council 'scrutiny review' of its policy and services regarding Public (funded) Funerals in my professional role as a Civil Funeral Celebrant.
In the light of significant budget pressures it is to be expected that council services related to funerals such as crematorium services, cemetery management and bereavement support will be reviewed. However reduction of costs to run these services must not be at the expense of compassion and dignity towards the deceased or the bereaved.
There has to be a baseline where councils accept that there is a social responsibility and cost to be borne if we are a caring society. The questions being considered in Plymouth centred mainly around choice. How much consultation and choice should next of kin have if they are unable or unwilling to pay for the funeral and the public purse will be funding it?
The point I made to the review panel of elected councillors was that the council and its officers do not have the legal or moral mandate to deny any one the opportunity to be consulted about when the funeral is to take place and be informed of the funeral service so they may attend.
Nor should they deny the choice of burial or cremation if next of kin can be traced and consulted. At the moment the council only provides a burial for public funded funerals in all circumstances.
Their policy should not be cynical and judgmental. Yes there will always be people who walk away from their responsibilities but increasingly economic hardship is genuine and people struggle to pay for a funeral. Not everyone who has to ask for state assistance for funerals wants to and it is a fact that most people make no provision for their funeral costs.
The recommendations of this review will be published in April.
I was grateful for the opportunity to present evidence to the Plymouth City Council 'scrutiny review' of its policy and services regarding Public (funded) Funerals in my professional role as a Civil Funeral Celebrant.
In the light of significant budget pressures it is to be expected that council services related to funerals such as crematorium services, cemetery management and bereavement support will be reviewed. However reduction of costs to run these services must not be at the expense of compassion and dignity towards the deceased or the bereaved.
There has to be a baseline where councils accept that there is a social responsibility and cost to be borne if we are a caring society. The questions being considered in Plymouth centred mainly around choice. How much consultation and choice should next of kin have if they are unable or unwilling to pay for the funeral and the public purse will be funding it?
The point I made to the review panel of elected councillors was that the council and its officers do not have the legal or moral mandate to deny any one the opportunity to be consulted about when the funeral is to take place and be informed of the funeral service so they may attend.
Nor should they deny the choice of burial or cremation if next of kin can be traced and consulted. At the moment the council only provides a burial for public funded funerals in all circumstances.
Their policy should not be cynical and judgmental. Yes there will always be people who walk away from their responsibilities but increasingly economic hardship is genuine and people struggle to pay for a funeral. Not everyone who has to ask for state assistance for funerals wants to and it is a fact that most people make no provision for their funeral costs.
The recommendations of this review will be published in April.
Thorn Park brings families
together
Families of former residents of Thorn Park care home in Plymouth came together (Saturday 15th February) for a special memorial event.
Funeral Celebrant Wendy Coulton, pictured with home manager Karen, said: "It's testimony to the wonderful relationship Thorn Park has with its residents and their relatives that they take the trouble to organise an opportunity to come together to remember those who have passed but are not forgotten. Thorn Park staff speak so fondly of the people they have cared for and their bereaved families have friendship and pastoral support from the home for however long they like."
The informal friendly event involved the planting of roses in remembrance and afternoon tea.
together
Families of former residents of Thorn Park care home in Plymouth came together (Saturday 15th February) for a special memorial event.
Funeral Celebrant Wendy Coulton, pictured with home manager Karen, said: "It's testimony to the wonderful relationship Thorn Park has with its residents and their relatives that they take the trouble to organise an opportunity to come together to remember those who have passed but are not forgotten. Thorn Park staff speak so fondly of the people they have cared for and their bereaved families have friendship and pastoral support from the home for however long they like."
The informal friendly event involved the planting of roses in remembrance and afternoon tea.
